Choosing the right pick-up line, snappy words to win a smile and an opening, is nearly impossible.
My memory may be selectively set to catalog the really bad attempts. And I suppose a good line is lost in the moment. After all, if the line works, you’ve got more important things to focus on. But with bad lines stacked in my memory and my preference to be the pick-up-ee, not the pick-up-er, I wish I had insight into the process of picking a perfect pick-up.
If you don’t know someone, how do you know their taste in anything? If I had to pick something simple for a stranger, like choose a drink, I’m sure I’d mess it up. Maybe a wheat allergy prevents beer drinking or a bad gin and tonic night in their youth means no gin sipping. Or, maybe they just don’t like margaritas (Yeah, you’re right. That last one isn’t very likely.)
How can anyone tell if a stranger (no matter how soul-mate-on-sight feeling the stranger is) will respond to a pick-up that’s funny or earnest, sweet or sassy, subtle or aggressive?
I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few cringe-worthy pick-up attempts and when I polled margagogo’s Independent Panel of Judges, they were quick to reel off lines that made me shudder. So while I have no insight into how to craft a line that works, I have some examples of what not to do. (Please note: These lines weren’t said by professionals and you still shouldn’t try them at home.)
- “I’m lonely. Can I have your phone number so I can text you?”
- “You’re very attractive. You’re a little bit fat.”
- “You’re as beautiful as my horse.”
- “Your nose is not too wide and your mouth is not too small.”
- “Hey girl, you look dangerous. Do you want to play fight?”
- “Is it okay if I text you really inappropriate and salacious messages, if only for the sake of entertainment?”
- “Get your jacket.”
- And one more that doesn’t qualify as a pick-up line but is too funny to leave off the list: “No wonder we get on so well, you’re like a mother figure.” (Said to me by a gay guy upon learning he’s a few years younger.)
I hope the lessons in these lines are obvious but since this is only a sample of the lines collected, I feel I should point out a few broad truths about pick-up lines.
Please don’t lead with the lonely. Telling a woman that she’s beautiful could be a winner if you quit before going on to compare her to your horse, cat, dog, bunny etc. Remember anyone you talk to is ageless and weightless – pretend you’re dating on the moon.
After listing what not to do, the secret to a successful pick-up might be right in front of me: Keep it simple. A “hello” with a smile should work.
And, yes, I’ll have a margarita on the rocks with no salt.
Does anyone have a pick-up line, good or bad, that they’d like to share? I’d love to hear them!
margagogo 